The funniest messages found in fortune cookies

The world is pretty wild, and we live in a world of uncertainty. While there are some people who just accept this fate and drown their sorrows in tub after tub of ice cream, there are others who try to find answers to their many questions. They may consult the stars, they may buy books to fill their heads with knowledge, they may read their tarot, or they may even try to communicate with another world. However, others find solace in fortune cookies. You don’t have to look too far to find yourself a fortune cookie, as they can be found in many Chinese restaurants across the United States and the rest of the globe. These aren’t your average cookies, though. You don’t simply inhale one after the other like you would your favorite chocolate chip cookie. Instead, you break this cookie apart, you pick out the fortune that lays inside, and you see what fate has in store for you…

It’s gotta be true

If you’re the kind of person that loves to break apart those fortune cookies, there’s a high chance that you love to do so because you like to feel like The Hulk as it smashes in your hand. Of course, that’s probably not the only reason.

It’s always fun to see what profound and inspiring lesson your fortune cookie has for you – and this one is no different. In fact, we think we’re going to make this our life’s motto. The fortune cookie never lies, right? So this has to be true. We can eat as much as we want when we’re alone because it totally doesn’t count. Calories? What calories? They don’t exist.

Is that a threat?

Nobody really knows when fortune cookies first came into our lives, but it’s kinda weird how much they know about us and our existence. While the jury is still out on whether these cookies are actually little creatures that spy on us, there’s no denying the fact that their fortunes are often incredibly personal.

We can only assume that this little cookie was telling the recipient to enjoy their lives as much as possible because you never know when it’s going to come to an end, but it seems more like a threat than anything else. “Enjoy yourself while you can” seems a little sinister if you’re asking us. Please spare us, fortune cookies.

A magical moment

We’ve all seen Harry Potter, right? If you haven’t, you kinda need to embrace the magic right away, because it will change your life forever. If you live by the notion that one day you’ll fall in love with a man who is “tall, dark, and handsome,” there’s a high chance that you immediately think of Harry Potter. After all, he ticks all of those boxes.

However, the person who received this fortune cookie obviously had another magical being on the horizon. According to this fortune cookie, they would be lucky in love in the coming months. The one catch? They would fall in love with a centaur. Well, at least they’ll know the stars like the back of their hands.

The ultimate life hack

Sometimes, fortune cookies go against their own rules and provide inspiring life advice and quotes rather than a personal fortune. They can be pretty impressive, and this one is no different. Yes, just take another read of this fortune. Then have another read.

Finally, read it once more. Do you feel uplifted? Do you feel motivated? Do you feel as though you can take on the world? Because we do. The more you read this fortune, the more you realize how true it is. Sure, being chased by a bear isn’t on everyone’s to-do list, but as long as someone else is behind you, it’s all golden. Kinda sucks for the man behind you, though.

The truth will out

There are some fortunes that leave you speechless, and this is one of them. We’d like to propose a change of name for this one. No longer will it be called Mr. Fortune Cookie, because it shall instead be called Captain Obvious.

Yes, the person who received this fortune cookie could have saved their strength in breaking this one apart, because it didn’t exactly leave them with epic advice that would change their lives. After all, we all know that when you squeeze an orange juice, orange juice will come out. That’s kinda how it works. It’s the same for apples, pineapples, tomatoes, and a plethora of other fruits and vegetables, you know?

Phew, that was rough

There’s a little slice of our brain that really does think that fortune cookies are real. They just know too much, and they have too much of an impact on our lives to be simple pieces of paper.

This fortune gives that idea even more legs because we can feel the relief coming from that strip of paper. It let out a huge sigh as it was ripped from its casing, and could finally take a breath. It’s right, you know. It was about time the fortune got out of that cookie. It’s only fair.

#SorryNotSorry

Let’s be honest; fortune cookies can be pretty savage. You think they’re going to change your life for the better and place you on a path to success, but sometimes they just burst your bubble and bring you crashing back down to earth. That’s what they do.

This fortune is no different. Reading the first line, the recipient probably imagined themselves lying on a bed of money and making it rain down on them. Reading the second line, however, was a whole different story. That had to hurt.

Getting Rickrolled

Thankfully, we can rest easy knowing that Rickrolling is a thing of the past. No longer do we have to wait for someone to give us up or let us down because Rickrolling has turned around and deserted us. At least, for the most part.

This fortune cookie obviously didn’t get the memo that Rickrolling is sooooo 2008 and decided to try their luck with an unfortunate victim. Hopefully, this person was big and strong enough to avoid the effects of Rickrolling. After all, we know how damaging it can really be.

Turning it around

Have you ever been in a situation where somebody has asked you a question that you just don’t understand? You may have tried to answer the question to no avail, or you may have taken the heroes way out and turned the question around. It’s a foolproof method.

You simply ask the question back to the other person and get them to explain their own thoughts in the hope that you can avoid it completely. It seems as though this fortune cookie just didn’t feel like being a fortune cookie this day, so followed that method.

Three can keep a secret?

Anyone else getting some serious PLL vibes here? You better lock this one in your pocket, because this fortune cookie is extremely creepy. While the concept of this fortune cookie is correct, it is a little foreboding.

Three can keep a secret if two of them are no longer around, but how does this cookie want us to go about getting “rid” of the other two. We’ve watched way too many mystery thrillers to guess that it’s not by giving them an all-inclusive vacation to Mexico for a few months.

Don’t gamble… just kidding

You have to laugh at this one. On the one hand, this fortune cookie is telling the recipient to avoid taking those unnecessary risks. It won’t work in their favor, and will instead be detrimental to their life.

On the other hand, this fortune cookie has also provided the recipient with six lucky numbers. What are they supposed to do with those? Just keep them in their mind? Everyone knows that the lucky numbers are supposed to be used to buy a lottery ticket or even take a trip to the casino. So where does that leave them? We have no idea.

They call it puppy love

Sometimes your fortune cookie can just seem too accurate for words, and we bet this person was feeling that exact same way when they opened this one. “Someone is looking up to you.

Don’t let that person down” would have been a rather profound statement, but for this man, it was something truly special. At the time of reading, this adorable doggo was looking up to him. You know, like the fortune told him. We hope he gave the floofball a big ol’ cuddle after this, especially with those puppy dog eyes looking up at him.

Can’t believe it

There are two kinds of people in this world. There are those that like the taste of fortune cookies, and there are those who simply break it apart before throwing it in the trash. After all, it is an acquired taste.

This recipient was obviously in two minds when they cracked open their fortune cookie. Although they loved the taste of the sweet cookie, they just didn’t know what to do. Do they follow their stomach? Or do they eat their fortune’s tiny home? We’d love to know what happened next.

You’re crazy, baby

There are some people who laugh in the face of fortune cookies. They think it’s a load of nonsense, and they can’t believe that people actually believe you can hold your true fortune in your hands.

Because of this, they like to mess around with their friends and family who do believe. Well, this person nailed it. Seeing a long sentence like this would have filled a believer with joy, only to see that it wasn’t quite what they expected. We don’t even want to think about the tears.

In on a secret

Do you ever feel like your pet is hiding some form of secret? Perhaps they follow you around the house with an odd look on your face, perhaps they get up to late-night antics while you’re asleep, or perhaps they just seem a little odd.

We hate to break it to you, but it may be because your pet is planning to eat you. After all, the fortune cookie never lies. If the fortune cookie tells you that your pet is planning to eat you, they’re probably planning to eat you. Soz about that.

Is it a sport?

Many people turn to fortune cookies to learn more about their love life. They hope to learn that they will meet a handsome prince, or that their perfect woman would come into their lives if they just took that one risk they’d been mulling over.

However, this person got something a little different. They discovered that they would soon find love in the form of a competitive eater, which is actually rather impressive. While they may have been hoping for a professional athlete, some may consider eating a trying and taxing task.

They mean absolutely nothing

There is someone in the world who has to predict these fortunes and write them down. Yes, that’s literally their job. However, we all have off days every now and then, and it seems as though this fortune cookie writer was having a rough one when making this one up.

Like many other fortunes, this one involves some numbers. They must be lucky, right? Well, apparently not. They instead mean absolutely nothing, so that will probably fill you with a huge amount of joy. Right? RIGHT?